I can honestly say that at no point in my life did I ever utter these particular words. Is it possible we’ve over-educated the big guy?

Ever really looked forward to a meal, only to have things not work out when you reached the restaurant? I think it’s tougher when you’re only 8.

This is one of those conversations that I wish I could have back. Unfortunately, all I can do now is hope that everyone involved forgets. Well, that and try to stop singing in the mornings.

Do you remember your first monster? For me, it was Smaug. The boys are much less sheltered than I was. They have seen and heard of hundreds, if not thousands, of monsters. So how does Smaug match up? You tell me.

Sometimes, it’s better to just put the shovel down, and accept that you’re standing in a hole.

What happens when a 6-year old starts thinking deep thoughts? Whacking. And no, you’re not allowed to yell at me for whacking my six-year old. Not until you read this, at any rate. Then you can yell all you like.

There are plenty of laws out there that I disagree with. This isn’t one of them.

I still maintain that the original plan described in today’s tale was a good one. I had no way of knowing just how badly it would turn against me.

I’ve been wanting to try this trick for as long as I can remember, ever since I watched Bugs Bunny do it to Daffy Duck. Thanks, Bugs!

Here’s a line to use the next time someone is upset with you – if you don’t ever want to see that person again, that is.