{"id":925,"date":"2010-09-20T10:52:24","date_gmt":"2010-09-20T15:52:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/stories.daddytales.com\/?p=925"},"modified":"2010-09-20T10:52:24","modified_gmt":"2010-09-20T15:52:24","slug":"good-night-ninja","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/2010\/09\/20\/good-night-ninja\/","title":{"rendered":"Good Night Ninja"},"content":{"rendered":"

Our bedtime routine is well-established. After doing prayer as a family, either my wife or I stay in the room to recite Good Night Moon, and then sing a bedtime song (or two<\/a>).<\/p>\n

Last night, as I was turning out the light, I noticed a plastic light saber lying on the floor. If you haven’t seen one of these things, they’re really cool. When you press the button and wave it, three feet of plastic light saber extends out of the handle with an appropriate Star Wars noise. There’s a blue light in it, so the saber part actually glows blue. I’d never seen how it looked in the dark, but it occurred to me that it would probably be pretty dramatic.<\/p>\n

After turning out the light, I started on Good Night Moon, just the same as always.<\/p>\n

\u00a0“In the great green room, there was a telephone and a red balloon…”<\/p>\n

I bent down quietly to pick up the light saber as I continued my recitation. It was too dark to see, but I felt my way too it and flipped it around in my hand until I found the button. The kids were in their bunkbeds, and I was confident they couldn’t see me. I straightened slowly and quietly as I spoke.<\/p>\n

“Goodnight mittens, goodnight kittens, and goodnight…\u00a0NINJA!”<\/p>\n

Striking a dramatic pose, flung my hand out to the side as I thumbed the button on the light saber. The glowing blue plastic shot out from its base, and right into my gut. I’d was holding it backwards.<\/p>\n

The kids burst out laughing.<\/p>\n

“Agh,” I groaned. “I was holding it backwards.”<\/p>\n

My youngest was laughing so hard I could hear the tears coming out of his eyes. “You killed yourself, Daddy!”<\/p>\n

“I know, I know. I just thought it would look cool in the dark.”<\/p>\n

“But you killed yourself,” my oldest shouted from his top bunk.<\/p>\n

“Okay, everyone quiet down. I’m sorry I got silly. Let’s start over. In the great green room…”<\/p>\n

I turned my back on them and pushed the lightsaber back into its handle. I also rotated it so it faced in the right direction. I’m nothing if not persistent. Using my hands, I carefully double-checked to make sure everything it wouldn’t jab me in the stomach again.<\/p>\n

“…a comb and a brush, and a bowl full of mush” I said quietly as I struck my dramatic pose again. This time, I was going to jump and spin as the lightsaber shot out. That’d surprise them.<\/p>\n

I flexed my knees and started to jump – and an oversized stuffed Tyrannosaures Rex hit me square in the back.<\/p>\n

The light saber shot out as I staggered forward and did a face plant on the closed door.<\/p>\n

Both kids roared with laughter.<\/p>\n

“I got you,” my oldest shouted, turning on his light. “I so<\/em> got you.”<\/p>\n

I pushed my face off the door and\u00a0shut down the light saber. “You sure did.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah! Dinosaur beats Ninja!”<\/p>\n

Sigh.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Goodnight Moon is one of the all-time classic picture books, one my kids have heard countless time. This particular reading, however, is one that I don’t think they’ll ever forget. I won’t either, primarily because I don’t think they’ll let me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[118,122,120,119],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-925","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-daddytales-c","category-daddytales-n","category-daddytales-embarassing","category-daddytales-funny"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DpYi-eV","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/925","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=925"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/925\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=925"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=925"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=925"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}