God Bless a Hamburger incident<\/a>. It seems to work pretty well.<\/p>\n“Okay,” I said to the kids. “Momma doesn’t like it.”<\/p>\n
They grumbled, but stopped.<\/p>\n
The other day, as we were sitting at dinner, my youngest surprised us with\u00a0the rudest\u00a0question I’ve ever heard him ask. “Is mom staying here tonight?”<\/p>\n
“Yeah,” I said. “Just like every other night.”<\/p>\n
My wife had stopped eating and was glaring at the little guy.<\/p>\n
“Oh,” he said.<\/p>\n
“Hey,” I said sharply. “What are you talking about? I like having momma here, and so do you.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah,” he said, suddenly embarrased. “I just wish we had a night without mom, ’cause then we could… you know…” he trailed off.<\/p>\n
“What?” I asked, still angry.<\/p>\n
He leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Sing Bang Bang, Maxwell’s Silver Hammer.”<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, he didn’t whisper quietly enough.\u00a0 Even worse, I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. I looked helplessly at my wife, who was arching her eyebrows at me in a classic “this is your fault and you’re in too much trouble for me to bring up in front of the kids” expression.<\/p>\n
I shrugged and turned back to my dinner. This singing thing is starting to get dangerous.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I’ll admit that teaching my boys a song about a murderer is not exactly the best parenting move I’ve ever made, but I honestly didn’t realize it would get me in this much trouble.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[123,122,119],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-792","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-daddytales-cute","category-daddytales-n","category-daddytales-funny"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DpYi-cM","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/792","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=792"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/792\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=792"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=792"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=792"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}