{"id":762,"date":"2010-04-12T19:57:01","date_gmt":"2010-04-12T19:57:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/stories.daddytales.com\/?p=762"},"modified":"2010-04-12T19:57:01","modified_gmt":"2010-04-12T19:57:01","slug":"it-had-to-happen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/2010\/04\/12\/it-had-to-happen\/","title":{"rendered":"It had to happen"},"content":{"rendered":"

I suppose it was just a matter of time before this happened. Once we brought zombies into our\u00a0daily life\u00a0(click here for details<\/a>), it was pretty much inevitable.<\/p>\n

For those who are not familiar with zombies, they eat brains. When pretending to be a zombie, you stick your hands out like a zombie (arms straight, hands shoulder height), and attempt to put\u00a0a hand on someone else’s head. Then you make a sucking motion and\u00a0moan “brains!”<\/p>\n

The idea being, of course, that you’re sucking that person’s brains out.<\/p>\n

The other day, after my oldest son shot me with his finger, I performed a dramatic death scene that ended with me slumped over the counter. As the big guy turned away to hunt for his little brother, I surged to my feet and palmed his head. “BRAAAIIINNSSS!” I moaned.<\/p>\n

He was so surprised, he almost fell over.<\/p>\n

I laughed. “Got you!”<\/p>\n

“Nah-ah,” he shouted. “Nah-ah! You couldn’t eat my brains because,” he looked around desperately, “because \u00a0I don’t have any!”<\/p>\n

“Um,” I said.<\/p>\n

“Ha-ha!” he shouted and shot me again.<\/p>\n

In my defense, there was really nothing I could do. The big guy had, after all, the perfect defense against zombie attacks.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When it comes to kids, there is one inevitable defense to all zombie attacks. It’s just not one most people choose to use.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[118,120,119],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-762","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-daddytales-c","category-daddytales-embarassing","category-daddytales-funny"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DpYi-ci","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/762","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=762"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/762\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=762"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=762"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=762"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}