{"id":248,"date":"2006-12-06T15:28:48","date_gmt":"2006-12-06T15:28:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/2006\/12\/06\/spiderman-part-ii\/"},"modified":"2006-12-06T15:28:48","modified_gmt":"2006-12-06T15:28:48","slug":"spiderman-part-ii","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/2006\/12\/06\/spiderman-part-ii\/","title":{"rendered":"Spiderman Part II"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The other day, about halfway through the process of <a title=\"Spiderman\" href=\"\/?p=247\">hanging Christmas lights on the roof<\/a>, I learned a very important lesson.<\/p>\n<p>It happened as I was balancing on the peak of the roof. The sun was disappearing over the horizon, but I really wanted to finish. Looking around, I realized that I was surrounded by lights. So, being the clever fellow that I am, I called down to my wife for an extension cord.<\/p>\n<p>She tossed one end up to me and I clambered carefully over to the end of the lights to plug them in.<\/p>\n<p>Of the five lines I\u2019d hung so far, one didn\u2019t light up at all, and two others had dead patches.<\/p>\n<p>Oof.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>There I was, standing on my rooftop as the sun went down, surrounded by faulty Christmas lights. C was riding his bicycle around the driveway. The neighbor\u2019s Christmas lights were all turning on festively, and\u00a0J was standing at the base of the ladder trying not to laugh.<\/p>\n<p>I have a bad feeling that if anyone ever made a movie of my life, my part would be played by Chevy Chase.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The other day, about halfway through the process of hanging Christmas lights on the roof, I learned a very important lesson. It happened as I was balancing on the peak of the roof. The sun was disappearing over the horizon, but I really wanted to finish. Looking around, I realized that I was surrounded by [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[120],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-248","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-daddytales-embarassing"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DpYi-40","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/248","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=248"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/248\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=248"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=248"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=248"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}