{"id":244,"date":"2006-11-26T12:18:34","date_gmt":"2006-11-26T12:18:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/2006\/11\/26\/fast-as-a-snail\/"},"modified":"2006-11-26T12:18:34","modified_gmt":"2006-11-26T12:18:34","slug":"fast-as-a-snail","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/2006\/11\/26\/fast-as-a-snail\/","title":{"rendered":"Fast as a snail"},"content":{"rendered":"

C and I are continuing to have discussions over who is faster. Now that we’ve put the religious issues aside<\/a>, I’ve been having a lot of fun with it. For example, last week C was telling me how fast he was (for the umpteenth time), when I decided I needed to start asserting myself a little more.<\/p>\n

“You may be fast,” I said, “but I’m super-fast!” When I said ’superfast’, I spun around and pointed at him with both hands for emphasis.<\/p>\n

He giggled. “No… you’re not super-fast. I’m super fast!”<\/p>\n

“That’s true,” I said seriously. “You’re fast as a….turtle!”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, I’m fast as a – Hey! No! Turtle’s are slow! I’m not fast as a turtle!”<\/p>\n

“You mean you’re slower than a turtle?” I asked.<\/p>\n

“No, I’m fast as a turtle! No, no, no. I’m faster than a turtle! You’re as slow as a turtle!”<\/p>\n

“Okay, you’re not fast as a turtle. You’re as fast a snail.”<\/p>\n

“What?!”<\/p>\n

“Yep, a snail with a bad headcold and a limp.”<\/p>\n

“What? No… snails don’t limp! You’re wrong!”<\/p>\n

“You’re right. I was wrong. Snails don’t limp. You’re as fast as a snail with a bad headcold.”<\/p>\n

“That’s right! Wait – No! I’m not as fast as a snail with a bad headcold.”<\/p>\n

“You mean you’re slower?”<\/p>\n

Heh, heh, heh… Is 4 years old too early to start getting a little payback for all those dirty diapers I had to change?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

C and I are continuing to have discussions over who is faster. Now that we’ve put the religious issues aside, I’ve been having a lot of fun with it. For example, last week C was telling me how fast he was (for the umpteenth time), when I decided I needed to start asserting myself a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[118,119],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-244","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-daddytales-c","category-daddytales-funny"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DpYi-3W","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/244","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=244"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/244\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=244"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=244"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=244"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}