{"id":236,"date":"2006-11-06T14:34:33","date_gmt":"2006-11-06T14:34:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/2006\/11\/06\/mines-bigger\/"},"modified":"2006-11-06T14:34:33","modified_gmt":"2006-11-06T14:34:33","slug":"mines-bigger","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/2006\/11\/06\/mines-bigger\/","title":{"rendered":"Mine’s Bigger"},"content":{"rendered":"

One of the challenges of being home alone with a 2 year old and 4 year old is when one (or both) have to use the bathroom. A few weeks back I was in exactly that awkward situation. N was sitting on the potty and C was playing with his trains. N was listening to me read (again<\/a>), when he suddenly looked down. “Daddy! Look, look!”<\/p>\n

“What is it?”<\/p>\n

“I have a big penis!”<\/p>\n

I really had no answer to that. Instead I started to chuckle. His older brother, heard and ran in to join us.<\/p>\n

So N pointed it out to him. “Look, I have a big penis!”<\/p>\n

C shook his head. “Noooo… You don’t have a big penis. I have a big penis.”<\/p>\n

“No! I have a big penis!”<\/p>\n

“No! I do!”<\/p>\n

Finally, I managed to pull myself together. “Okay, okay, everyone. Let’s settle down.”<\/p>\n

C wasn’t willing to let it go. “But I do! I do have a bigger penis!”<\/p>\n

They both looked at me, but I was still out of ideas. I settled on changing the subject. “Let’s move on. Why don’t I finish the book?”<\/p>\n

C shook his head. “Mine’s bigger. Look I’ll show you.” <\/p>\n

He started taking his pants off.<\/p>\n

“No!” I said, grabbing his hands to stop him. “Just leave your pants on. You’re 4 and he’s 2. You know that you’re bigger than he is, right?”<\/p>\n

“But I want to see!”<\/p>\n

“No. No showing other people your penis. Keep it in your pants.”<\/p>\n

“But – “<\/p>\n

“No!”<\/p>\n

N smiled. “I have a big penis!”<\/p>\n

“That’s enough. You, finish going potty. You, back to the trains.”<\/p>\n

“I’m going to ask mommy!”<\/p>\n

“Okay,” I said. “You do that.”<\/p>\n

This whole thing happened about three weeks ago. Since I haven’t heard anything about it from J, I’m guessing he never did ask her. That’s probably a good thing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One of the challenges of being home alone with a 2 year old and 4 year old is when one (or both) have to use the bathroom. A few weeks back I was in exactly that awkward situation. N was sitting on the potty and C was playing with his trains. N was listening to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[121,120,119],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-236","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-daddytales-the-kids","category-daddytales-embarassing","category-daddytales-funny"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DpYi-3O","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/236","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=236"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/236\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=236"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=236"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pat-matthews.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=236"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}